Wait, what?
by Esus927
Summary: A one-shot parody of the somewhat common Naruto/Mizukage pairing. Naruto/Hinata Naruto/Mei


Uzumaki Naruto was enjoying his life. He had his orange and black jumpsuit on, more orange than black of course. He had his girlfriend and newly made fiancée, Hyuuga Hinata, sitting next to him. He didn't have any missions or training to do that day and it was sunny with clear skies in Konoha. But more importantly, he had his ramen. _'Just as delicious as Ayame-chan always made it,'_ he added with satisfaction.

Just as he was about to dig into his forth bowl, he noticed a beautiful woman starting at him. This was different from the other times a girl would look at him though, the look she was giving him was so intense it was as though he was a bowl of ramen and she hadn't eaten any ramen for three whole days.

She looked about ten years older than him, dark red hair in an extremely odd hair style, _'even more odd than the Teme's duck-butt style.'_ Its length was well beyond what any sane kunoichi would have with a few locks crossed over her impressive bust while another lock of hair covered her right eye. For some weird reason she also had a knob of hair tied on the top of her head near the back.

"You're supposed to be dead."

'_Well, damnit!'_ Naruto thought he was passed the whole _'Die demon! Burn in Hell!'_ part of his life, it had been years since any of the villagers looked at him with anything other than respect and gratitude.

"I was told you were dead, they must have lied to me!" She continued, ignorant of his thoughts. "Well, I cannot say I'm displeased by this."

The confusion was evident on Naruto's face, what the hell was the woman with the large breasts talking about? He took a glance at Hinata to see if she noticed his leering eyes, '_Ero-sennin was a horrible role model'_, she seemed just as confused as him.

That confusion he had worn was immediately replaced by a light blush as the woman's demeanor change abruptly. The redheaded woman took a seductive stance and proceeded to prowl toward him, a look of lust and love filling her eyes.

"He-hey! What do you think you're doing! Don't touch that, only Hina-hime is allowed to do that!"

"Who is this 'Hina-hime'? Another woman?"

"_Another woman_, Naru-kun? There are other women?" The Hyuuga girl looked as though she was about to have a mental breakdown.

"No-no! There's only you, you and only you. You're the only girl I want or need, I don't even think about other girls. Ok, maybe I _think_ about them, but I don't do anything with them. Well, sometimes I do train with them, and that involves touching, but it's nothing romantic."

It was clear to everyone inside the Ichiraku Ramen stand that he wasn't any good with words or comforting women.

Naruto turned back to the woman causing all his recent troubles. He took a deep breath before gripping the shoulders of the old woman and firmly pushing her away.

"Don't you _desire_ me, koi?" She emphasized the word 'desire' in such a way that his blush returned with full-force.

"I don't even know who you are!"

"Oh, that's right, you probably don't. Well, that's easy to answer." She paused before making eye contact, sweeping the lock of hair that had covered her right eye away so she could convey the truth of her next statement. "I'm your fiancée and I love you."

"Oh… _wait, what?!_"

"Naru-kun, what is _she_ talking about?" His lavender haired fiancée softly questioned. Even after all this time she was still as gentle and as kind as she had always been. At least she had stopped fainting when he took his pants off. That used to be such a mood killer.

"What do you mean fiancée and what do you mean you love me?"

"When you were conceived, a betrothal contract was arranged between ourselves. And as for how I love you, it's easy. You're the Namikaze heir, it's only natural for me to love you completely. I was so heartbroken when I heard you died, I spent every moment after training to avenge you in hopes that when I finally passed on we would be reunited."

"Reunited? I don't think I've ever met you before."

"Excuse me, kunoichi-san. Do you even know his name?"

"Well, no."

"Then… how exactly do you know you love him?"

"He's the Namikaze heir."

Even Naruto was baffled by her logic and that was saying something considering when he was younger he fell in love with Haruno Sakura because she had bright pink hair that stood out. His young, slightly retarded mind figured people would have immediately paid attention to the blindly bright pair of ninja wearing red and orange with brightly colored hair. It made sense at the time.

"Wait, what do you mean _Namikaze_?"

"Namikaze Minato is your father, correct?"

"Well… I- I don't know."

"How can you _not_ know? I've only seen one picture of him, about sixteen years ago, and even I could tell you were related to him just walking past this ramen stand barely paying attention. You'd have to be a complete idiot or blind to not see the resemblance."

"Hey, don't call me an idiot! And I don't even know who this Namikaze guy is. Probably some loser."

The redheaded woman looked at him with complete disbelief. Even Hinata was shocked by his lack of knowledge.

"He was the Yondaime Hokage, how can you not know his name. What are they teaching in your academy? Anyways, follow me to your Hokage, we will have this matter cleared up and settled by the end of the day. We will also consummate our relationship by then as well."

Naruto didn't know what 'consummate' meant but whatever it was it pissed his Hina-hime off more than he had ever seen.

"By the way, my name is Terumi Mei, I'm the Godaime Mizukae. But I expect you to call me Mei-koi."

Hinata's fists clenched as they began walking toward the Hokage Tower.

/////

Senju Tsunade couldn't help but be embarrassed by the current situation she was facing. _'The brat does look a lot… well, okay, exactly like Minato. Huh, how did I not see this before'_ she couldn't help but wince at the can of worms that was about to be opened. Reluctantly placing her bottle of sake away she prepared to call a council meeting.

/////

Naruto, holding the hand of his true fiancée, followed the Hokage and his possibly new fiancée into the Council Chambers.

He could hear one of the most outspoke members already speaking before the door was even closed.

"Tsunade-sama, what is-," it was at this moment that the man seen Naruto. "What is the _demon_ doing here? Are we going to execute him finally?"

While the villagers' opinions had changed, the Council never would.

"I'm gonna be blunt. It turns out Uzumaki Naruto is the son of Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime."

"Namikaze-sama!" A man proclaimed with a deep bow.

Apparently the Council _could_ change.

"Didn't you just call me a demon and ask if Baa-chan would let you kill me?"

"That was in the past, we should let bygones be bygones."

"It was like twenty seconds ago!"

By this time the Mizukage was getting fed-up with the delays of her encroaching marriage.

"Look, this man is the Namikaze heir and according to this," she pulled a scroll out from… somewhere. "According to this contract we are to wed by the time each of us becomes of-age. That time is past and I have waited long enough and I won't be denied any longer."

The blonde Godaime took a few minutes to study the scroll, checking its authenticity. She sighed as she realized the Mizukage would have to marry someone and Naruto would likely have to be the one. She called the brat and Hinata over to a corner to have a silent discussion going over the options.

"Naruto, I'm sorry to say this, but the contract is real. You're gonna have to marry her, she could cause a lot of problems for us if she were turned down."

"Baa-chan, I don't wanna marry her, I want Hina-hime. Isn't there anything we could do? Maybe choose another guy to marry her?"

"She'll only accept the Namikaze heir, I don't understand her obsession, but she doesn't look like the type to back down."

The three of them were for quiet for a few moments, all trying to think of a way to deal with this situation.

It was Hinata who came up with a possibility.

"She doesn't seem to be the most balanced person." The lavender-haired girl spoke with her typical soft voice. "What if we just substitute another person in? In the last three hours that we've been around her she has not once called him anything other than the 'Namikaze heir,' what if we just brought in another supposed heir to give her?"

Tsunade seemed to think on it, on one hand she would be sacrificing a shinobi but on the other hand she'd be able to keep her surrogate grandson in the village.

"Who do you have in mind?"

/////

Hatake Kakashi was having the Best. Day. Ever. It all started an hour ago.

"_Kakashi-sensei!" _

_The man in question silently sighed as his most annoying student ran into view pulling the Hyuuga heiress behind him._

"_What can I do for you Naruto?"_

"_How would you feel about leaving Konoha and joining Mist?"_

_The one-eyed Sharingan user blinked at the unexpected question._

"_Naruto, I would never abandon my home village. What are you talking about?"_

_Thankfully, Hinata answered his question._

"_Mizukage-sama is contracted to marry the Namikaze heir, which we have discovered is Naru-kun. In order to avoid causing a fracture of the current treaties between the two villages we are looking for someone to take Naruto's place."_

_The only thought running through the lazy Jounin was _'Wow, he does look like Minato-sensei. How did I miss that?'

_Naruto seemed to be frustrated by the amount of time it was taking and blurted out with his usual tact._

"_Look Kakashi-sensei, you're a virgin. Don't deny it. I can smell it, one of the more disgusting benefits of being the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki. You have spikey hair, we dye it blond and then you marry the hot, sexy, big breasted Mizukage. She seems even more mental than Bushy Brows, she probably won't even know the difference. You have to leave the village, but you get to have sex and stop being such a perverted loser."_

Needless to say, Kakashi was sold. Although, he could have done without the knowledge of his virginity being made public.

Completely ignoring the now-twitching form of his student, Hinata seemed to take extreme offense to the description Naruto gave of the other woman. Kakashi quickly said his goodbyes to everyone, packed up his substantial porn collection and immediately ran to the Council Chambers to see his future wife.

The poorly dyed blond Kakashi couldn't hold in the nose bleed at the sight of the redheaded Mizukage. It made everything he went through in his life worth it. The woman didn't seem to realize she was groping and molesting a different person as she dragged the former silver haired man out of the Council Chambers.


End file.
